Valentine's Day Strikes Fear!

Valentine's Day strikes fear into the hearts of strong men everywhere.      

Let's just address this head on:

For many people, especially men but women too, there is nothing pleasant about planning Valentine's Day. They don't know what is expected of them; they feel that the wrong thing will be held against them; they feel that they don't have enough money to plan a "proper" Valentine's Day... and they are really tempted to break up with their girlfriend or pick a fight with their wife the week before Valentine's Day just to get out of the whole thing.

Here's a question from a reader:

Q: Hi Jo... It's almost Valentine's Day, and I'm a nervous wreck. I've been with my girlfriend for about six months now, and we are talking about moving in together. We are getting more serious by the day. But I panic around Valentine's Day! My ex-wife always seemed disappointed after Valentine's Day, and we usually fought afterwards. I thought that dinner and flowers was an acceptable way to spend Valentine's Day, but she seemed to want something more or "different"...... How do I guarantee that my new girlfriend will be satisfied without breaking the bank? And what do I do if she seems displeased?  ... Scared

These oxidized Copper Heart Brooches by Rough Magic were found at Etsy a few years back, but they appear to be unavailable now.  

Answer: Have you tried a hot air balloon ride? Or a train ride on the Orient Express? What about 4 carat pink diamond earrings? O.K., I'm joking. Let's be realistic here.

Scared, if she truly likes you for who you are and things are going well.. and she's a decent woman.... there isn't much you can do to screw up Valentine's Day.... except perhaps to forget the whole thing.

It would probably be best to talk to her well before the big day. Does she expect a big production? A dinner and flowers? If so, a fancy dinner? Maybe she dislikes the Valentine's Day dinner scene (as I do) and she's planning on cooking for you. But don't let things fester.. If she's as great as you think and hope she is, she will be happy to talk about her expectations and what might be reasonable. Don't let your experiences with your ex-wife color your experiences with this one. The ex may have been spoiled, demanding, and petty. Perhaps that's why she is an ex?

My sense is that, for most women, flowers, a bit of candy, and perhaps a small gift (according to your budget), are more than enough.

By the way, she should be doing something for you as well.. A small gift, your favorite candy, a home-cooked meal. Valentine's Day shouldn't be a one way street!

(Cross posted from Love Stuff by Jo)